WE. ARE. ACTIVE.
Sooooooo O.K., cool. You're "active," Tara. Congrats!
And by the way, what does that mean?
Great question- glad you asked.
Active mans that we have finished all the paperwork, have an active home study and have the funds available to say YES to an adoption opportunity. Before now we have only been in the process of becoming active. Before now, no birth mother knew we even existed and wanted to adopt.
In short, we have begun "THE WAIT."
Our agency will now begin showing our profile to potential birth mothers in hopes that one of them will look at us, watch our video, read our essays and say YES, I choose them.
With American Adoptions, the average wait time for a baby to be placed in your arms is 3-12 months. (This number does not include the three months we have spent getting everything in order to become active. )
Placement means the baby is placed in your home and the adoption is final.
Their average match time is 1-9 months.
Matched means our birth mother is still pregnant but has decided that she would like to place her baby with our family.
In other words, we could get a phone call on Thursday from the agency saying there's a birth mother who is interested in you and would like to talk to you on the phone. The agency would do a conference call in that case and be on the phone with us. If that phone call went well, we could be matched by next Friday. If she is due next month and all works out, we could be new parents NEXT MONTH.
OR we could hear absolutely nothing from our agency for 7, 8, 9 months… or more.
Of course, there is always the possibility of a disruption:
We could be matched with a woman who is four months pregnant, be in contact with her getting updates on her pregnancy throughout those four months, fly to her state for the delivery and she could decide after delivery that she would like to keep the baby. That's her choice and she has every right to make it. THAT COULD HAPPEN.
What happens then? Well, we grieve, we pray, and we put ourselves back out there feeling confident that THAT wasn't OUR Baby Q., and that God is still in control. Thank God, with American Adoptions, there is no financial penalty to us with a disruption. That is not the case with all agencies. In some agencies, if you lose the baby, you also lose your birth mother expenses and that can be up to $20k. We would lose nothing in terms of money. We would just be put back on the list and begin again.
So, we will try hard to guard our hearts and we ask our families and friends to do the same.
Will it be easy to guard our hearts after we've been matched? UM NO.
Will we want to shout it from the rooftops, share the gender and celebrate? Of course!
BUT we will not buy anything blue, we will not begin registering for anything pink and we will not choose a name because we need to try protect our hearts, and try as best we can.
Once our baby is placed in our arms, our birth mother has signed the papers and the judge in that state says "go home…."
THEN WE PARTY!
THEN WE HAVE SHOWERS!
THEN WE NAME HIM OR HER AND GO CRAZY WITH THE BLUE OR PINK!
But until then… we wait.