Sunday, August 30, 2015

Summer, Spring, Winter or Fall

My husband Jeremy and I woke up this morning with a smile on our face and bounce in our step. We knew we had a full (and fun) day ahead of us- we were finally going to paint the baby furniture my best friend, Marissa gifted to us three years ago. She gave it to us then because she and her family were moving to Ohio and Jeremy and I had decided to go off of birth control and have our first baby. Three long years later and here we are, covered in paint and giggling about how perfect we are trying to make the changing table look when we know it will be just a matter of time before it's cover in pee! 

Before we headed out to the hardware store, we decided to get a good breakfast. Sitting outside waiting for a table at this cute little breakfast diner, Jeremy noticed the weather was't too bad for August in Florida, and I had to agree. I got excited and said, "Do you think we will have seasons this year?" Of course, the answer is no, it is Florida after all, but this got me thinking: This will be the first round of holidays in a long time that I will be happy and hopeful for the future. This fall could be the first Halloween I start looking at ridiculous bumble bee costumes for infants, and this winter could possibly be the first Christmas we put an extra, tiny stocking on our wall. There are going to be a whole lot of "firsts" for our little family pretty soon, and I think we will cherish them all a little bit longer than we would have after the battle we have fought with infertility, and the years spent waiting for those precious moments to begin. 

This all got me thinking about seasons and then I couldn't get The Byrds song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" out of my head for the rest of the day! You know the one. Here, I'll give you the source:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Looking at these verses, I understand it better now than I ever have. Jeremy and I desired to be parents more than anything, and when that deep desire was not met time and time again, month after month, I can honestly say we weeped, mourned, refrained from embracing, searched and often even gave up. It was painful and hard and there were times I thought that season would never end. 

I know some of you are going through that season right now. Maybe it's infertility, maybe you long to have a partner in life and can't seem to meet the right person, maybe you've recently lost a loved one and you don't know how to do life without them, or maybe your just feeling stuck in a life you didn't imagine for yourself and you don't know what the next step is or how to get back to the place when you were happy. 

Whatever it is, I want you know there IS light at the end of this dark tunnel and that light is so beautiful and so bright. 

Ok, I have to admit when people told me to "just believe" or "be patient" during my battle I wanted to throw things, heavy things, at them. How could they possibly understand this pain? Who made them Mayor of Infertility-ville? Their babies came quick and easy, what gave them the right to give me advice?!?!? Just because they went on a vacation and drank 12 margaritas, "relaxed" and came home pregnant doesn't mean I am going to! How long exactly and I supposed to "wait patiently," a year, two, twelve?!?!  And so on…and so on…and so on… 

So, I understand if you don't believe me. And you are right, i do not know your circumstances. I also do not need to know them to confidently tell you- THERE IS LIGHT. 

How do I know this? I have lived through piercing, painful heartache and I have been brought out the other side by The Hand of God Himself. The only way I survived my season of mourning was to hang on to God's promises in hope that they were real, and I've got great news for you friend- HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. 

Promises I KNOW are true: 

Promise- He is making a NEW way!

 Promise- He will hold you up with His Righteous Right Hand!

 Promise- Joy is coming!

I believe your season of healing, laughter dancing and peace is coming. I believe because God promised those things to me, and He kept His promise. I know, I KNOW it is true for you, too. 

Until it is, we will pray for you, because we know that just because our season is taking a turn for the better doesn't mean that yours isn't at it's darkest. Hold on, God's got this. He promised. 

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