Wednesday, July 22, 2015

If Today I Lose My Hope...

Dear Lord, if today I lose my hope, please remind me that Your plans are bigger than my dreams.

Today's agenda:

  • Go to work and pick up a letter my boss wrote for me verifying my employment. 
  • Go to Jeremy's work and pick up his letter. 
  • Grab Jeremy's drivers license and social security number, drive to the local police department and get both of our background checks finished (I guess it wasn't enough to already have gotten fingerprinted and checked by the FBI)
  • Pick up the remaining two out of the five reference letters our family and friends have written for us.
  • Copy our birth certificates.
  • Pick out 20 photos that best show off our life as a couple and potential parents, put them on a flash drive, put that flash drive in a container that holds a small video camera with hours and hours of footage of our life that we've shot over the past three weeks and mail the footage to the agency. 
  • Fill out a lengthly questionnaire for our social worker that asks questions from "Tell me about your whole childhood." to "What is your child rearing philosophy?" 
  • Google "child rearing philosophies..." 

And this is just a typical day in the life of a hopeful adoptive parent. I must say, they weren't kidding when they said it was a mountain of paperwork. They weren't kidding when they said make sure you have the time to get this done. 

Our social worker comes on Friday and I am so excited and so nervous. Once our home study is over, we can begin to really work on our adoption profile for our agency and then... MAYBE THEN... we will have enough money raised to get on a waiting list. 

Sometimes I think it will never happen. 

Often I go to bed with my head swarming with the next day's paperwork and hoops to jump through, and often I cannot sleep.  

I'm exhausted, emotional, and I have fears that are probably unrealistic, but nonetheless are there. 

And then a sweet girl named Tiffany rides her bike up to my husband and I while we are downtown (and laughing because we were on our 5th take of our newest Facebook video) and says: "Did you say Team Baby Q? I love you guys! I've been following the fundraiser and reading the blog! I can't wait for you to get your baby!" 

And I think YES LORD, you told me it's going to happen and that means I keep fighting the good fight. It's going to happen in Your time and in Your way and while we are on this journey we will continue to glorify Your name because in the end all babies are a gift You give us for a short while and we are honored to give each one back to You. 

And so I will continue to pray.

We've asked God to blow our minds, and I do believe that even though we already feel like He's shown up in BIG ways... His best is yet to come!

Haven't heard our story? click here

I Am So, So Angry

Forgive me, I am heartbroken. I am nauseous. Dumbfounded. When I was a little girl, my mom worked for the public school system. Some d...